Road Kamelot Is Back In Town
by Puddlejumper64
Summary: What if the M*A*S*H characters were replaced with D. Gray-man characters? Based off of the episode, "Hot Lips Is Back In Town." Road Kamelot executes a daring plan and Allen Walker makes a few hilarious attempts to catch the eye of Lenalee Lee.
1. Staff Meeting

Road Kamelot Is Back In Town

List of Characters:

Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce— Lavi

Captain B. J. Hunnicutt— Tyki Mikk

Major Margaret "Hot Lips" Houlihan—Road Kamelot

Colonel Sherman Potter—Froi Tidall

Major Charles Emerson Winchester III—Komui Lee

Corporal Walter "Radar" O'Reilley—Allen Walker

Lieutenant Father Mulcahy— Arystar Krory III

Corporal Maxwell Q. Klinger—Jasdevi

Lieutenant Nugent—Lenalee Lee

General Lyle Weisenkopf—Cross Marion

The Announcer Guy—Reever Wenham

Chapter 1

The year is 1950. There is a conflict raging in the small country of Korea which is currently divided by north and south. This police action was known as the Korean War. The entire UN was eventually dragged into the conflict, joining the ranks of South Korea. There were various M*A*S*H (Mobile Army Surgical Hospital) units stationed just a few miles away from the front such as the 8055th and the 8063rd. But the MASH unit that held the highest percentage of patients survived is the 4077th. Here, the personnel, most of which were drafted, try to keep their sanity in check while madness runs rampant around them.

Reever Wenham, the man who usually operates the PA, announced, "Attention. Attention, all personnel. The Mess Tent is closed this afternoon for the medical staff meeting. Unfortunately, it will reopen for dinner at 1700 hours."

Five of the senior staff are attending this meeting. The leader of the unit, Col. Froi Tidall, sat next to the Chief Surgeon, Capt. Lavi. Across from them are Major Komui Lee, one of their finest surgeons, and Major Road Kamelot, the head nurse.

Capt. Tyki Mikk, another fine surgeon just finished pouring himself a cup of coffee and sat next to Tidall. Once he has settled, Tidal said, "Meeting will come to order. Any old business?"

Lavi replied, "Yeah. Can I go home?"

"Get behind Jasdevi. New business. Any gripes, now's the time to squawk." Road immediately shot her hand up in the air. "Thank you, Road. I have your list."

Komui spoke up. "Once again, I must protest the almost criminal lack of privacy in this camp. Can't we have separate latrines for every officer over the rank of captain?"

Tyki retorted, "Yeah, and you and Road can build it."

Tidall held up his hand. "My turn. Triage. There's too much discussion out there. Make up your minds, then act on it."

"I do my part, but nobody listens to me," Komui said.

Tidall pointed at him. "You, for instance. Don't take case histories. Just diagnose your man, then move on." He then turned to the other Major. "Road Kamelot."

"What did _I _do?" she asked.

Komui turned to her. "Road, put away your paranoia. Tidall is obviously picking on everybody."

Tidall ignored him. "Tell your nurses not to be shy about hauling a litter if they have to. Some of them are stronger than I am."

Lavi asked, "Can I have their names?"

Cpl. Allen Walker, the company clerk, walked into the Mess Tent, carrying a canvas bag. He called out to Tidall, "Mail call, sir. Should I leave it in my office, or can I disturb you now?"

All immediately requested that Allen distribute the mail. He walked over to the table, but Tidall said, "Allen, later, later."

Allen took some mail out and showed it to him. "I'll leave this picture postcard of your grandson on your desk."

"Uh, mail call, folks." Allen immediately began handing out letters to the officers.

Lavi spoke up, "I move the meeting be adjourned."

"Second," Tyki said.

"Third," said Road.

"Motion carries," Lavi said. "See you next year in Atlantic City." He took a salt shaker and pounded it on the table like a gavel.

"Wow!" exclaimed Tidall as he looked at the postcard. "Look at that little Corey. What a moose."

"Yeah," agreed Allen. "He weighs 56 pounds. He's walking around like crazy and he likes to catch bugs and eat them." He laughed until he noticed Tidall glaring at him. The smile that was on his face was instantly wiped away. "That's all I read, sir. And your daughter sends her love."

Road was staring at the mail she received. "I'm divorced."

"Huh?" Allen said.

"It's official. This is my final divorce decree. I'm officially divorced."

Komui nodded at her. "Congratulations, Road." She looked up at him. A deep sadness seemed to have come over her. Komui saw this. "Or condolences. Whichever the case may be."

Lavi looked at her with a concerned look. "Road, it's what you wanted, isn't it?" She hardly responded at all.

"Road?" Tyki asked.

After a moment, she realized that she was being talked to and she shook her head, snapping out of it. "Yes, yes! I've been waiting for months."

The sound of helicopters suddenly overtook the entire camp. Allen looked up, listening. "Uh-oh. Choppers. Loaded."

Tidall was the first to stand. "Alright. I gave you the halftime pep talk. Now go get them."

Everyone stood up to leave and headed out to tend the wounded coming in. Except Road. She was still staring at the piece of paper before her. Allen walked over to her and said, "Sorry to spoil your celebration, ma'am," and then headed out the door.

Lavi noticed that Road wasn't moving and he, too, came over to her. "Miss Kamelot, you're on."

"Yeah, yeah," she responded. "I just can't get over this good news." She folded the paper back up and put it in one of her pockets. She got on her feet and headed out.

"Right," was all he said. He couldn't help noting that she didn't look happy in the least.


	2. A New Nurse

Chapter 2

Chaos was erupting throughout the compound. Corpsmen from the ambulances and jeeps were unloading patients waiting to be operated on. Doctors rushed between them, determining whether they should be operated on right away or wait until later. Their prognoses were recorded by the nurses as they went.

Tidall noticed that Komui was taking a little too long on one patient. He walked over to him and said, "Come on, Komui. That's what I was talking about. Get your rear in gear."

Komui looked up, took off his stethoscope, and said, "Tidall, I appreciate your concern for speed, but I always like to get as complete as…"

"Let me put it this way—move!"

As Tidall was walking away to a patient unclaimed by a doctor, Komui said, "You do have a way with words."

Allen was dragging a box away from the area to make more room for the patients-as well as deliver it to the Supply Tent-when he bumped into something behind him. He turned around to see a new nurse that had just climbed out of a jeep that pulled up. "Ooh! Gee, I'm sorry! Excuse me."

But the nurse just laughed it off. Looking around she said, "Looks like I hit the rush hour."

"Yeah, things are kind of bad because of the war."

The nurse extended her hand to him, which Allen gratefully shook. "I'm Lieutenant Lenalee Lee, your new nurse. Just tell me what to do and where to go." He took an immediate liking to her.

"Oh, right. Road! She'll tell you where to go. She's good at that." Hearing her name, she came up to the two. "Road, may I introduce you to our new Lee who's—I mean, this is, uh, Lieutenant Lee, our new nurse."

Road immediately pointed toward the nearest available tent. "Stow your gear and report to me immediately." She rushed off to continue her duty.

Allen extended his hand again which Lenalee took again. "Uh, I'm the company clerk around here. If there's anything you need, I'm the guy that you come and get it from."

"Oh, thanks. It's always nice to have a friend."

"Oh, yeah. Well, it's always nice to be had."

Later in the operating room, all doctors are working with all nurses assisting. Komui is having a little difficulty with his patient. "Road, I have a bleeder here. Will you help me stem the tide please?"

Road, who was assisting him, replied, "Yes, Doctor."

"Get your rear in gear, Road. Isn't that how it goes, Tidall?"

To that, he responded, "I don't want your respect, Komui, just your love."

"More suction," he told Road. "We are treated like chattel here. Tote that barge. Lift that gurney. Speak your mind, you need an attorney." Komui chuckled at what he said, but he noticed that the nurse assisting him was completely silent. "Why aren't you laughing, Road?"

She ignored him. "More sponges here," she ordered a nearby corpsman.

"You're marvelous company today, Road," he observed sarcastically.

Lavi finally spoke up. "Relax, Komui. She's got a bleeder of her own."

Allen walked in with a white coat and a white mask over his face, followed by Lenalee. "And this is the O.R., which, of course, we use as an operating room."

"The war is getting more popular," Lavi observed. "Every half hour, another tour."

"Allen, on your way out, drop these by the gift shop, will you?" Tyki asked jokingly, putting some shrapnel in a nearby surgical bowl.

"These guys love to kid you," Allen chuckled.

Road called out from here place, "Alright, Allen. I'll take over from here."

"Uh—uh—If you like, ma'am, I can show her the ropes myself."

"But who's going to show you?" Komui asked.

Allen turned to Lenalee. "He doesn't mean it."

"Get out," Road ordered.

"But she does." Allen walked out of the O.R in a hurry.

Lenalee went up to the head nurse. "Road, I've heard a lot about the 4077th and I'm really proud to be a part of it."

Road nodded. "Just pay attention, and you'll catch on as we go along."

"That divorce decree's got her numb from the neck up," said Tyki.

"Maybe we should invite her to the Swamp later for a glass of antifreeze," said Lavi, referring to the tent that he, Tyki, and Komui share.

"Nah. I think what she needs right now is people. Let's take her someplace where there's music and noise and laughter."

"Hey, think we can get into the Copa dressed like this?"

After the whole ordeal, while most spent the night resting in their tents, a select few went to the Officer's Club to enjoy the abusing of their livers. A couple of doctors sat in the corner, chatting about what they planned on doing once they were home. There was a different kind of couple dancing to the beat of the bouncy tune that Father Arystar Krory III played at the piano. Lenalee walked around, mingling with the various officers. Road sat in between Tyki and Lavi at the bar. Lavi was trying and failing to hum the song.

"Coming here was really a great idea," Road said. "I want to thank you guys for helping me to forget."

Lavi waved it off. "Glad to help." Then he stopped and turned to face her. "Forget what?"

"You know, my ex-husband, what's-his-name." A fit of laughter overtook the two of them.

Tyki looked at her concernedly. "Road, we just want you to cheer up."

"Yeah, let's get happy here," Lavi said. He called out to Krory, "Father, can you play something snappy? How about 'Lullaby of Broadway?'"

Krory turned around to look at Lavi. "That's what I'm playing right now."

Lavi waved it off. "That's okay, Father. Anytime you can get around to it."

Road spoke up. "You know, I got to tell you. When I first looked at those divorce papers, it was like a part of me had died. And now, after the shock has worn off, I realize that I've got my whole life ahead of me!"

"Road, don't talk that way," Tyki said. "You've got your whole life ahead of you." Road broke down into laughter.

Lavi said, "Say, you got to take life by the tail and—and—and yank it until it squeals." Lavi started squealing like an animal.

Allen walked in and noticed Lenalee standing by herself looking at the jukebox. He knew at that moment, it was time to act. He leaned over to Krory, who was still at the piano. "Father, could you play something smooth?"

"It gets smoother in a minute," he replied. Satisfied with that, Allen nervously made his way through the club over to Lenalee, weaving in between the dancing couples.

Finally, he stood right behind her. He turned around to make sure no one would eavesdrop on what he was going to say. Noticing that everybody was too busy with their activities, he turned back around…and jumped when he saw Lenalee looking back at him.

"Allen!" she said happily.

He did his best to cover up the surprised look on his face. "Oh, hi. I just came in." Then a very frightening thought just occurred to him. "I wasn't just standing here staring at you, honest," he pleaded.

Luckily, Lenalee seemed to believe him. "I'm trying to find a song to dance to." She took a quick glance at Krory. "That guy at the piano doesn't play very well."

Allen jerked his thumb behind him. "Oh, that's Father Krory. He's our chaplain. He doesn't play so lousy once you get to know him."

Lenalee leaned closer to him. "Do you dance, Allen?"

He turned slightly red. "Uh, no. Football knee."

Lenalee smiled. "You played football?"

"Well, not very much. I had a bad knee." Allen's gaze suddenly drew to the floor. It was time to take the plunge. "Um, Lenalee, I was just wondering. If you're not—"

"Lenalee, there you are," a voice came from nowhere. Suddenly, Allen found three nurses standing next to him: Lulu Bell, Miranda Lotto, and Cloud Nyne. The one who spoke was Cloud.

"Hi," Lulu said.

"Hi, Lenalee," Miranda said.

"How did you like your first day?"

Lenalee replied, "I'll learn to love it by the time I leave."

Cloud said excitedly, "I heard you're from Pennsylvania. Whereabouts?"

"Harrisburg."

Miranda leaned forward with amazement in her eyes. "I'm from Beaver Falls."

"No kidding?"

"Wow!" Allen piped up suddenly. "We had a casualty from Harrisburg once."

Miranda smiled. "We're practically neighbors."

"He was from Harrisburg, Montana, however…"

Cloud waved her over. "Come on. We got fudge going in our tent."

"He had trench foot…"

"The first bull session starts in two minutes."

"Oh, great!" Lenalee said excitedly. She followed the other three out of the club.

All the while, Allen was saying, "It was touch and go there for a while, but, uh, we pulled him through." By the time he finished talking, they were gone. He suddenly realized that a couple of guys at the table next to him were staring at him. He cleared his throat and walked awkwardly to the bar next to Tyki. He thought about drinking the rest of his water, but he just left it for the bartender to clean up, and walked out with his head hanging.

"Let's have another drink," Road said.

"Mmm," Tyki agreed.

"Sic transit, Daisya Barry." The name of her ex-husband rolled of her tongue like a spike strip.

"The king is dead, " declared Tyki.

"Long live the queen," finished Lavi.

Road raised her glass. "You bet."


	3. The Army For Life

Chapter 3

Tidall was very nearly asleep when he heard knocking on the door. He would've responded, but he was too exhausted. He heard the door open and a voice, "Tidall?" Through his closed eyelids he saw the lamp next to his bed being turned on.

"Allen, if it isn't incoming wounded, you better run and hide." He suddenly felt a kiss on his ear. He opened his eyes and rolled over. "Allen, what are you-." He looked at the intruder, rolled back over, and shut his eyes. "Road." Once this sunk in, his eyes shot open wide, and he rolled back over. "Road?"

"Tidall, I need to talk to you," was all she said as if what just happened never did.

"Have you dropped all your beans? It's the middle of the night."

Her face was just bristling with excitement. "I know it's late, sir, but I've just realized something that changes my whole perspective on life! Colonel, the army is my career!"

"Ohh," Tidall groaned, rolled over, and pulled the blanket over his head.

"Tidall! Tidall!" She started shaking him until he finally grew tired of it and he uncovered his face. She continued. "I guess I've always known it, but I just couldn't see it because I kept getting lost in all those men—Daisya, and then before him, Yu, and then before him-."

"I remember, I remember," he cut her off before she could recount the countless men she was with.

"And now I finally realize that I don't need anybody else to help me live my life. _I'm _in control!" Determination came over her dark complexion and golden, yellow eyes. "And I'm going as far in this man's army as any woman can go. Maybe even general!"

"With the general's permission, I'd like to get a little sleep, ma'am." He rolled over and closed his eyes.

Road kept on going. "So, for starters, I've got a few ideas about how we can improve things around here. Efficiency-wise, I mean."

"Whatever you want, you got it."

"Really?" she asked. Her tone was dripping with excitement.

"Good night."

"Oh, thank you, Tidall!" She gave him another kiss on the cheek. He yelped.


	4. Advice For The Lovelorn

Chapter 4

The next morning, Lavi was in the stall in the men's showers tent, wearing only his eye patch and dog tags. He still had a hangover from the heavy drinking last night. He was sticking his face beneath the running water when there was a knocking on the door. Before he could say anything, in came Allen with a white mug in his hand. "Morning," he greeted. "I brought you some coffee."

"Pour it in me or over me," Lavi said. "I won't know the difference." He quickly finished up and turned off the shower. "Oh, that water's loud," he remarked.

He stepped out of the stall and took the mug. "I knew you'd need it," Allen said, feeling smart. "I kept it black."

Lavi took a sip. "Uh-huh."

"And kept it hot."

"Uh-huh."

"And kept it hot and black."

Lavi handed the mug back to Allen. "Oh, that's good." He took a towel off of a nearby hook and started drying himself off. Allen patiently waited for him to finish. Lavi noticed this and said, "If you came to watch, I'll be drying my knees next. You'll want to stick around for that."

"No, no. I came in to ask you, uh, well—I figured with your experience, you know, that, uh, I—if anybody would know, you know."

"Allen, what is it you're trying not to say?"

Allen braced himself. "I came to ask you a question about, uh, women."

"Oh. Get under a cold shower, and I'll tell you."

"No, it's nothing like that. How could you even think that about Lenalee?"

Lavi looked up from drying off his legs and smiled. "Oh, Lenalee. Nice girl."

Allen smiled a little. "Yeah."

"I'd say more, but you might hit me."

Allen's smile quickly faded and grief suddenly overtook him. He rested his arms on top of the stalls. "Lavi, she doesn't even know I'm alive. But I sure know she is. You know, I make excuses just to be with her. I even stole a light bulb from her tent so she'd need one, and I could bring it to her."

"What a rogue," Lavi observed. He finished toweling off and slipped his robe on. "Allen, what you've got to do is calm down. You're all aquiver."

Allen let his arms fall beside him. "What do you mean? I'm calm."

"Let her put in her own light bulb!"

"I can't, Lavi. She's about the swellest girl I ever saw."

Lavi dried off his hair a little more, then let the towel hang around his neck. "Allen, can I be glib with you?"

"I think so."

"Sometimes women are like bread. You got to leave them alone to get a rise out of them."

Allen looked up at him. "Wow. You sure about that?"

"Take it from an old pastry cook." Allen looked away again. He was obviously under a lot of stress. "You got to relax," Lavi added. "Give her a chance to notice you."

Allen once again looked back at him. "You really think that would work?"

"If it does, let me know. I'll try it." Lavi stepped outside, followed by Allen.

Before they went their separate ways, Allen said, "Thanks a lot."


	5. Road Takes Charge

Chapter 5

Road walked into post-op with a face that was just beaming with happiness. Nearby, Tyki was wondering what substance was in the bottle in his hand since it obviously couldn't be medicine. Lavi was reading information about the patients' condition on the clipboard hanging from the…metal…rod…thing attached to the bed. He never really memorized those little nit-picky details in medicine; that is why he became a doctor. Tidall was looking over a similar clipboard.

"Good morning," Road said to Tyki.

"Good morning," he said in turn.

As she walked across the aisle in between the patients' beds, he nodded to the head man. "Tidall. Good morning, sir." She walked up to him and Lavi. "Regarding what we talked about last night in your tent, sir…"

Lavi looked at her. "Oh?"

"About your future?" Tidall asked.

Lavi looked at him. "Uh-oh."

"Cork it, Lavi."

"Well," she began, "I'm preparing a rigorous training program for my nurses to enable them to handle all of triage, freeing the doctors for O.R."

Tyki heard everything and walked up behind her, joining the conversation. "Nurses taking over triage?"

"Road," Lavi said, "some of those diagnoses can get pretty involved."

"Komui Lee has kindly volunteered his services to instruct them," she added.

"Oh, swell," Tyki said sarcastically, smiling.

Lavi saw the horror that this could lead to. "They're all going to talk like him."

Tidall nodded. "Might not be a bad idea, Road. In a couple of months, we could have the crack staff of the Far East."

Tyki said, "We might even take the pennant."

"I was thinking in terms of days, not months, sir," Road said, "especially since Cross is coming on Saturday."

"Cross?" Tidall asked.

"Saturday?" Lavi asked.

Road clarified, "General Cross Marion, Chief of Staff of"—

"I know who he is," Tidall interrupted.

"Well, he's flying here at my request to review our new program."

"You invited a major general without my permission—especially that two-star pain in the butt?"

"We can't train nurses in three days," Lavi said. "Believe me, I've tried."

Road started speaking desperately. "Can't you see this is going to be good for all of us?"

"Especially one of us," Tyki observed.

She glared at him. "What's wrong with that? I'm anxious to start my new life."

"Well, if that's all you want," Lavi said, "I'll turn you upside-down and spank you on the fanny."

Tidall sighed. "Look, Road, I'm glad you found something to clear up your divorce blues but how could you pull such a bonehead play? The last thing we need around here is a snooping general."

"When he gets here, he can snoop all he wants. We're going to be ready, I promise."

He shook his head. "Absolutely not. I won't permit it."

She just smiled and said, "It's too late. He's already accepted." Then she walked off before Tidall could say any more.

Lavi made one last note on clipboard, hung it up, and then smiled. "It's going to be a real fun weekend."

Komui already had the Mess Tent set up for the class including a chalkboard with various scribbles and "patients" who had volunteered to act as examples. All of the nurses arrived, with Komui standing by the chalkboard with a pointer already in his hand. He began with his usual greeting (the words were too long for anyone to understand) and got to work.

"'Triage' is a French word from the verb 'trier,' meaning to sift or separate." He pointed at the different sections written on the board as he talked. "There are three priorities: those who need care at once in order to be saved, those who can wait, and those who"—he chuckled—"are beyond hope."

"They know what triage is, Komui," Road said.

Komui turned to her. "If you wish to heckle, Road, please go to a nightclub."

"Just get on with it, will you?"

Komui hesitated for a moment, but decided to oblige her. He walked toward the first "patient," followed by the nurses. The one on the bed had a pink bandage around his head. "Here we have a head injury."

Jasdevi lifted his head. "A Lilly Dache head injury," he corrected.

"The patient is obviously delirious, indicating a possible subdural hematoma. Priority?" he asked the nurses.

"First, right?" Jasdevi asked, smiling.

Komui glared at him. "I did not ask the patient. Priority…first."

Jasdevi's grin grew wider. "See?" he spoke to the closest nurse. "I knew I was right."

Komui chuckled mockingly and walked toward the next "patient," saying, "Next." Allen was on the next bed, doing his best to pretend like he was hurt. "From the patient's rigid condition, we might assume that he is in an advanced state of shock. However, there is no apparent injury." He pointed at Allen. "He merely complains that his left shoulder hurts."

"Uh, yeah," Allen said, looking around, "my left shoulder hurts."

"We are puzzled by this. On further examination," he pointed again, "we observe a purple area over the left quadrant upper." Allen was trying to look at where Komui was pointing without moving. "Blunt trauma. Possible ruptured spleen. Moral: never be fooled." He moved on to the next patient. "Now, over here we have a chest case…"

Instead of following, Lenalee decided to remain behind just for a bit. She turned to the boy. "Hi, Allen, how are you doing?" He pretended not to hear and started whistling. "Allen?" she said a little louder.

He acted like he just noticed her. "Oh, hi. Oh, gee, I'm sorry. I didn't notice you. I'm just very relaxed."

Lenalee ventured a guess at what he meant. "Oh, you're supposed to be unconscious."

"No, I'm not unconscious. I'm just very calm."

She furrowed her brow. "Allen, are you mad at me or something?"

He looked up at her. "No." He lifted his head. This was going in the completely wrong direction. "No, I'm not mad at you. Why would you think I was-?" He placed his hand over his heart. "Oh, geez, now I'm getting nervous." He laid his head back down.

"Maybe I just better leave you alone." She went to rejoin the other nurses.

"Oh, no!" Allen shouted, getting up on his elbows. "No, you don't have to. I'm not _nervous _nervous. I'm just sort of a relaxed state of nervous." She didn't respond at all. He couldn't tell whether she couldn't hear him or was just ignoring him. "Gee!" he said, palm smacking himself. Nothing was going right.

"Atten-hut! Prepare for inspection!" a voice shouted from the end of the tent. It was Tyki dressed in olive drab with an MP helmet and a tan tie. All of the patients, including Jasdevi and Allen, sat up. All of the nurses and Komui looked on this rare sight. "Ladies and gentlemen, General Cross Divorcian!"

He stepped to the side and saluted. In came Lavi with a pillow beneath his uniform to give him the appearance of a heavy man. He was complete with dripping medals made of strips of paper, buttons, and crushed tin cans; a hat with a gold rim and an American flag on its side; a pointer in his right hand; and a corncob pipe clenched in between his teeth. This ridiculous sight created laughter from most of the crowd. "Thank you, Cato," Lavi said. Tyki pulled a duster out of nowhere and started dusting Lavi off. He immediately shrugs him away and began briskly walking towards the nurses. "Where are the girls? Where are the girls?"

Tyki was right behind him. "You want girls? You want girls?"

He went right up to Lenalee. "You, suck in that gut!" He turned to one of the nurses. "Throw out that chest!" Then he turned to Road. "You stay just the way you are!" He laughed maniacally.

She shrieked and started hitting him in the pillow when he put his arm around her waist. "Get away from me!"

"Let's have a major skirmish."

Komui ordered firmly, "Play this comic opera elsewhere."

Lavi released Road and said, offended, "'Comic opera?'"

"We are busy here!"

Tyki walked up to him and grasped him by the cloth on his shoulder. "Shall I have him shot, mon general?"

Lavi declared, "Shooting is too good for him. Lock him in the kitchen!"

"That's it," Road said. She took the pointer out of Komui's hands and held it up to Lavi's chin threateningly. "Get out. Get out of here!"

"Cato, sound retreat." Tyki took out and blew on a noisemaker.

"OUT!" She started hitting him with the stick.

"I shall _not _return!" Lavi backed off into the stove in the middle of the tent. He turned tail and ran, followed by Tyki.

Road hit them both a couple more times, shouting, "Come on! Out!" before they escaped outside. Once they were gone, the entire tent cascaded in applause and cheers. She turned back to the class and demanded, "Can we just get on with it?"


	6. A Second Opinion

Chapter 6

Allen searched all over camp for Komui, carrying his clipboard everywhere he went. He decided to ask for his advice on how he could get Lenalee's attention. After searching the Mess Tent, the Swamp, and Post-op, he began to wonder if he went AWOL. But he poked his head into the laboratory and there was Komui, studying something through the microscope. He thought about asking what it was, but that wasn't why he was here. Besides, he probably wouldn't understand a word.

He walked up behind him and said, "Sir, are you busy?"

Komui lifted his head and said, "I'm never too busy for rude interruptions." Allen was thinking that perhaps this wasn't the best idea he had. But then Komui asked, "What is it?"

"Uh, yeah. I got something on my mind."

Komui picked up the pencil and made a note. "And you'd like it removed?"

"Huh?"

He looked back at him. "Get on with it."

"Um, what I wanted to ask is, uh….If you wanted to impress this girl that you're really impressed with, what would you do then?"

As Allen talked, Komui kept writing various notes. Without looking up, he said, "Gee, that certainly is a challenging question, but isn't Lavi handling that particular phase of your interminable childhood?"

Allen caught what he was trying to say. "Look, sir, if you don't want to help me, just say so. I just came in here because I know you know a lot of fancy words and stuff. You know, like 'ettiquit.'"

Now Komui lifted his head. "'Ettiquit?' Yes, I see," he said mostly to himself. He realized that Allen could use all the help he could get. So he set down the pencil and then cleared his throat. "Well, if there were a girl, whose interest I wanted to capture, first, I would find out what that interest was." Allen quickly began scribbling notes on the paper on his clipboard. "Then I would proceed to dazzle her with my expertise.

"Suppose she had a penchant for Shakespeare. In that event, I would take her into a moonlit garden—say, the empty minefield behind O.R.—and whisper in her shell-like ear…" He lifted his head to the heavens as inspiration settled into his core. "… 'But soft, what light through yonder window breaks. It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon!'" He didn't realize that he had picked up the pencil and then jammed it back into the table, breaking the tip. He looked back at Allen. "That is what I would do. I have not the slightest idea what you would do."


	7. The General Arrives

Chapter 7

"Alright. Come on, come on!" urged Road to the corpsmen who were helping to set up a mock triage for the nurses. Some volunteers laid on the stretchers with bloodied bandages over their bodies; a couple more were busy tying them on. "General Cross will be here in two hours and I want perfection. Or better!" Everyone in the vicinity groaned. They knew that if there was a misplaced speck of dust, then she would have their hides.

Father Krory, who was on his knees talking with one of the "patients," stood up and called to Road, "Excuse me, Major." She walked over with her clipboard under her arm. "But speaking on behalf of the more seriously wounded, they'd like to stretch their legs and use the, uh, facilities."

She nodded. "Alright, alright. Just keep it organized. The most urgent cases go first."

"Bless you, Major."

An olive drab jeep pulled into the area. Road wondered if there was wounded, but there was only a passenger and driver in it. She gasped, however, when she saw the flag protruding from the jeep and a bar in the front with two stars on it. "Oh, Cross! He's not supposed to be here yet!" She quickly adapted, though, and stood at attention as the jeep came closer. "General, welcome to the 40777th."

"Ten-hut!" Cross called out. Most of the nurses, who had just arrived, snapped their legs together and saluted. Cross Marion climbed out of the vehicle and returned the salute. All relaxed and let their salutes drop. He looked around at the scene taking place. "Impressive, Major, impressive." One of the "wounded" men stood at attention. The general immediately held his hand out as if he was telling him to get back down. He turned around and said, "Oh, please, please, have the wounded remain as they were."

"No, they're not wounded, sir. They're demonstrators for the mock triage."

He turned his attention back on Road and smiled pleasantly. "Triage, eh? Of course." He called out to the group, "At ease, everybody. At ease." All returned to their original work. Cross turned back to the head nurse. "Road, it's very nice to see you again."

She grinned widely. "You, too, Cross. This program is so important to me. I can't thank you enough for coming."

"I can't thank you enough for asking."

"Thank you."

"No, thank you."

Colonel Tidall noticed that the general arrived, walked up to him, and saluted him in greeting. "General Cross. Good to see you again, sir."

He returned the salute and shook hands with him. "Uh-huh." He jerked his thumb back in the direction that he came from. "You got some big potholes in the road back there. Real kidney punchers. Hope you get them filled in by the time I leave."

"And when will that be, General?"

"I don't know." He whirled on Road. "There's a lot to see here. Major, why don't you brief me on this new plan of yours?"

"Yes, sir."

Tidall was walking away, but stopped and turned around next to the ambulance when he heard Cross say, "Froi, I'd like to go over your table of organization. Things seem to be a little loose around here."

Suddenly, the ambulance door opened, revealing Jasdevi who was wearing a wedding gown. He shouted, "Ah! General, catch!" He tossed a corsage at the general who instinctively caught hold of it.

"Oh, Jasdevi!" Road shouted.

"I see—uh"—Tidall slammed the door shut, cutting him off before he could say anything more.

Cross was horrified at what he just witnessed. "Who or _what_ is that?"

Tidall answered, "Just the guy who fills in the potholes, General."

Allen walked in the Supply Tent where he knew Lenalee was taking inventory. As he approached, he smoothed back his white hair and said, "Hi, Lieutenant. Are you busy?"

"Very," she replied as she made a note on her clipboard. "The general's here, and I've got to get this organized for Major Kamelot."

He nodded. "Right. You like rabbits?"

"Allen, please, I have to finish." Then she stopped for a moment and looked at the boy. "Do I like what?"

"Rabbits. I just thought it was something you might be interested in." He kept walking beside her as she moved on to the next section of the supplies. "You know, for instance, rabbits never swallow what they chew right away. They wait and hold it until it's mush in their cheeks for a while."

Without taking her eyes off the clipboard as she made a note, she said, "No kidding?"

"Yeah. You know why they wiggle their noses?"

"To shoo away pests," she guessed.

"No, but that's a good answer."

She finally whirled on him and looked him in the eye. "Allen, please, I have to finish."

He caught the seriousness in her tone and said, "Oh. You're right. Maybe we could meet later and you could tell me some stuff that you thought up."

"Allen, please!"

Before he could say any more, Reever Wenham announced on the P.A., "Attention, all personnel. Incoming choppers. This is not a drill. It's the real thing, folks."

Allen put his hand reassuredly on her arm and said, "I'm sorry. I don't have time to talk right now." He immediately rushed out of the tent, leaving Lenalee wondering if she just heard what he said correctly.

General Cross observed the doctors and nurses at work with the actual patients. Lavi just finished up diagnosing the patient that just came off a nearby ambulance. To the nurse beside him, he said, "Lacerated femoral. Start him on plasma. Get him right into O.R." He started moving toward the next patient. "And always make sure you get that dressing nice and tight again."

Road knelt down beside one of the nurses, who was looking over a soldier's leg. "Alright, Lulu Bell, what've you got?"

"Compound fractured femur. I've ordered blood. He can wait."

Road made a note on her clipboard and said, "Good diagnosis, Lulu Bell." She rushed off.

Miranda called out to Tyki from beside a man who was wrapped in a blanket, "Oh, Doctor!"

He knelt down beside her and said, "Yeah, I'm all yours."

"A probable pneumothorax, but I can't be sure."

Tyki checked the man's lungs and said, "That's what he's got. Good work, Doc."

He went on into the O.R. while Miranda called out, "Corpsmen, pneumothorax, first priority."

"Keep it moving," Tidall ordered as he approached Lavi, to whom he said, "I've checked the nurses' diagnoses. They can handle it. Let's get inside and scrub."

As the two were about to go inside, Cross ran interception and said to the Colonel. "Tidall, a hell of a nursing staff you got here. I'm impressed."

"You should be." Road was running by them to the patient who was just brought in by jeep. "Major," he called out. She paused for a moment. "Good work."

She was now beaming with pride. "Thank you, sir." Then she shouted to anyone available, "There's more wounded here! Let's get to them!"


	8. Getting Aggressive

Chapter 8

That night, Lenalee and Cloud were busy hanging wet socks and pantyhose on the clothesline. Both were comfortably wearing their own pajamas and planned on going to bed as soon as they were finished. "Boy, I'm beat," Lenalee said. "I can't believe O.R. could go on that long."

"Would've been longer if we hadn't helped out in triage," Cloud pointed out.

Lenalee smiled. "We were great, weren't we?"

"Yeah." There was a sudden knocking on the door. "Come on in."

An old, familiar face stepped inside. "Hi, Allen!" Lenalee greeted happily.

"Hi," he replied and then turned to Cloud. "Lieutenant Nyne, I would like to speak to Leutenant Lee, alone. And I won't take no for an answer. Unless you pull rank on me, in which case I'll just wait outside here, even though you're both lieutenants, and I won't go away either."

"Well, Corporal Hellcat," Cloud said as she made her way to the door. Then she said to Lenalee, "I'll be outside if you need me." As she passed Allen, she added, "That goes for you, too." Then she disappeared into the darkness of the night, letting the door slam shut.

Lenalee put her hands in her pockets. "Well, we're officially alone, Allen."

"Right." He cleared his throat as he prepared to take the plunge. As he spoke, Lenalee kept placing more laundry on the clothesline. "Listen, uh, you probably haven't noticed or anything, but, uh, I've been trying like heck for you to like me. And, uh, I've tried everything I know and all that other stuff and I'm—I'm tired of trying. So I want to get one thing straight. Do you want to go out with me or not?" By the time he reached the end, his mouth was running on automatic. That last sentence ended up tumbling off of his tongue.

She looked him straight in the eye and said, "Yes."

Allen nodded and started heading for the door. "Fine. Then we'll just forget it. If I'm not good enough for you"—He stopped when he was halfway out the door and looked back at Lenalee. "You do?"

"I said, 'yes.'"

Allen's mouth fell open and he stepped back into the tent. "You did?"

"_Yes!"_

"Well, how come you didn't say so before?"

"You never asked before."

"Oh, yeah. I guess I was always too busy thinking up stuff to say, you know, to impress you."

Lenalee shook her head. "Allen, you don't have to impress me. I think you're nice when you're unimpressive."

"Gee, thanks." All of a sudden, it seemed like Allen awoke from a deep sleep. "Wow! That's about the swellest thing anybody ever said to me." He bounced a little on the balls of his feet and grinned widely.

Road and Cross were in the former's tent, with the latter pouring out some booze in a special bottle he carried with him in a couple of shot glasses. "Oh, Cross," she said, smiling, "I was so proud of my nurses today."

"I was proud of you. You know, it all flows down from the top just like this twelve-year-old scotch."

"They did everything so beautifully."

He handed her one of the glasses and raised his own. "Here's a toast to you, Road, and your wonderful staff." Both sipped their drink and felt it warm up their insides nicely. "Now, let's talk about you."

She immediately waved it off. "Oh, no. We've talked enough about me." Cross sat down on Road's bed while Road sat down in a nearby chair.

"And your future?"

"What about me?"

"I have an opening on my nursing staff in Tokyo for a lieutenant colonel."

She saw what he was offering her, but she decided to make him say it out loud, "But I'm only a major."

"Here you're a major, but in Japan"—

Road was too excited to let him finish. "We could do wonderful things together."

Cross got up to get more scotch. "We sure could."

She stood up in her excitement. "A triage program for all the nursing units in Korea."

"If we have time." Cross poured some more in each of their glasses.

"Oh, Cross! First, the divorce, and now this. I—It's like a wonderful door has been opened up on my life."

"The door was always open, Road. All you had to do was walk in." He set the bottle down. "It'll be like old times. Romantic suppers at the Officers Mess and cool night strolls through the cherry blossoms. Then, up to my billet for a nightcap and a game of escaped convict and the warden's wife."

Road's expression grew deathly serious. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Is that what this promotion talk is all about?"

Cross immediately shook his head. "Oh, no. No, no, no. The promotion's legit. I'll make you a colonel."

Anger welled up within her. "A colonel in charge of what, your budoir? I'm a head nurse and a damn good one!" She pointed out the door. "What do you think that demonstration was all about, anyway?"

Cross half-chuckled and said, "At ease, Major. You know how the game is played. You rub my back and I'll rub yours."

He put his hand comfortingly on Road's arm, but she immediately shrugged it off. "I'll rub my own back, thank you. How dare you assume such a thing!"

"Oh, come on, Road. I know you better than that. You have the talent. I have the clout. Now, let's get together and have a few laughs."

"You haven't been listening to me, General. I'm not a pushover anymore. Get yourself another clay pigeon." She turned her back on him and set the drink down on her desk.

"You're going to hate yourself in the morning."

Without turning around she commanded, "Get out of my tent, General."

"Are you sure?"

"Out! And that's an order!"

"Okay…" he set the untouched glass of scotch down on her desk. "…_Major."_

Cross grabbed his hat on the way out the door. After he was gone, Road smiled to herself. She picked up her glass, raised it, and said, "Here's to me."


	9. Date Night

Chapter 9

The night following the next day, Lavi was sitting at the table in the corner, reading a letter from his father and sipping at the beer in his hand. Just like all the other nights in the Officers Club, several of the personnel who were off duty were dancing with their dates to soft jazz music coming from the jukebox. The door opened and revealed Lenalee in a sweatshirt that was mailed to her from her parents. Behind her, came Allen in his Class-A uniform, complete with slacks and a tie. He was overdressed compared to everyone else, but he felt that appearance was very important on a first date.

Once they both stepped inside, they were greeted by whoops and wolf whistles. Lavi looked up at the scene and laid his eyes upon the two. Curious as to what's going to happen, he set the letter down on the table. Lenalee asked the young man, "So, Allen, you want to dance?"

Allen was blushing already, but when she said that, he turned even redder. "Uh, no, I don't think I'd better. You know, my bad knee."

"Allen, I'm a nurse. If anything happens, I can take care of you."

"Well, yeah. I guess in that case, I can take a chance."

Lenalee held her arms out, eagerly waiting for him. Then Allen took her hand and waist.

"Ready?" she asked.

"Uh, yeah, for anything." Then they started dancing.

Lenalee glanced at the other couples and asked, "Why is everyone watching us?"

"Oh, are they? Well, I guess it's, uh, because I come in here with a lot of girls and they always like to see who I'm with."

_Uh-oh,_ thought Lavi.

Luckily, Lenalee just smiled and said, "Allen, not again."

The silver-haired young man quickly looked at Lavi. The redhead was smiling. Allen focused his attention back on her, looked her right in the eyes, and said, "Or maybe it's just because I'm here with the prettiest girl in camp."

Lavi lifted his beer bottle to Allen. _Nice save, kid._

He returned to his letter and his beer while nodding his head to the soft beat of the jazz music. Allen and Lenalee danced the rest of the night away.


End file.
